Sunday, February 28, 2010

daddy

what is so wrong with me?

why do i feel as tho i am so unloved

so looked over

i feel like no one cares.

ill quit given you advice and just cut your hair.

the words he leaves his " son " with.

what if god left jesus like that.

where would all you god fearing patrons be now?

same place i am

in a loss of sense

a state of backwards confusion

full of heart ache and tears

i yearn to be numb.

able to not feel even the sharpest of forced entries.

eventually i will be there.

peace is on the horizon

my life

my life:

sitting in the middle of a dark room alone.

listening to the silence.

finding it strange that this seems preferred.

no one understands.

not even me.

war

im my own worst enemy

running in circles

landing in the beginning

forcing myself to hold it all in

only to explode in an array of emotions

bleeding hopelessness and yearning for meaning

where did it start

where does it end

will i ever be free

of myself.
selfish
selfish
selfish
selfish
selfish
selfish
selfish

why are you so selfish????????!!!!!!!!!

the fall

sunshine is irrelevant

the gray skys of my world never embark upon

the blue heavens that not only gods can speak of.

the world revolved around what

other than currency

selfish pigheaded minds parading as realist

i pity this world.

and everything it will become.

alone

10 blogs a month.

poetry to entertain the unentertained.

words to explain my pain

but who really cares.

no one reads the lines from my mind

so why even write and try to unwind

the cap of my emotions

twisted tighter than the tightest of twisted might

nightmares of unreasonable terror torture me thru the night

who is there to know

who is there to see

nobody.

im alone.

????????

what is the point of this life?

what is there to hope for?

4 more years of running and dragging my raged body

4 more years of learning that will amount to nearly nothing

a life of working to feed a family i will feel engaged to love

loving a wife whom i stay with even tho shes changed.

the love can never remain to same forever.

what is there to hope for?

meaninglesss.

heavy

hopelessness
abandonment
im lost
im hurting
save me please,
anybody.

i hear them chasing me
but will i answer them

i cannot escape
myself

what would you do?

What would you think if you saw the world thru my eyes
From where im standing,from the position im in.
Would you understand how i feel, would you feel my pain, would you draw the same
Conclusions.
Would you let anyone in?
Would you be scared or angry
Or as confused as i am?
Would you light it up to make all these feelings go away?
Just to come down and see that its all really the same
It wasnt supposed to be like this.
Not me not my life
Why am i so mad
Why cant i just let go?
I feel as if i dont and never will know.
But if you saw the world thru my eyes could you ever understand how deep it hurts, al the way to my soul.
Is that something yo could live with every single day? could you get out of bed each morning with out ever really sleeping
Would you have the strenght to keep pushing
To be the man you seek
Or would you fold and never become.
A man, at all.
If you saw the world thru my eyes, what would you do?

Thursday, February 11, 2010

february 11th.

Thursday February 11th.
the last day, before the first day of my life.

February 11th everything changes.
life begins.
the smoke is cleared.

February 11th is the last of the hazy vision.

a blog everyday. to celebrate unblocked reality.

let love for her grow stronger and stronger.

Evan Bridges. 2-11-10